Questions and answers
Q. Did you hear about the new facility Kraft Foods is building in Israel? A. It’s called “Cheeses of Nazareth.”
Q. If a doctor carries a black leather bag and a plumber carries a box of tools, what does a mohel carry? A. A bris kit.
Q. What do you call someone from Israel that has to sneeze? A. A Jew.
Q. What do you call the steaks ordered by 10 Jewish men? A. Fillet minyan.
Q. What is the proper blessing to recite before logging on to the Internet? A. “Modem anachnu loch ...”
Q. What does a Jewish pirate say? A. Ahoy vey!
Q. How does Moses make his tea? A. Hebrews it. I’m serious. That Israeli how he does it.
Nothing from nothing
During one service in a wealthy synagogue, the rabbi got carried away. Falling on hands and knees, forehead to floor, he said, “Oh God, before thee I am nothing.”
The cantor, not to be outdone, also got down, forehead to wood and said, “Oh God, before thee I am nothing.”
Seeing this, Levy, a tailor in the fourth row, left his seat, fell to his knees, forehead to floor and he too, bellowed, “Oh God, before thee I am nothing.”
With this, the cantor elbowed the rabbi and sniffed, “Look who thinks he’s nothing!”
The good news
Sheldon Goldberg is a defense lawyer who always tries to look on the bright side, even with his most hardened criminal clients. One day, during a particularly difficult case, he tells his client:
“I’ve got good news and bad news. The bad news is your blood test came back and your DNA matches the blood found on the victim, the murder weapon and the getaway car.”
“Oh no!” says the client. “I’m finished! What’s the good news?”
“Your cholesterol is down to 140.”
0 comments:
Post a Comment